Yeadon Prepares for Second iTerm

Ann Arbor, Michigan - Reeling from a decisive electoral loss to George "W." Bush, iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon began preparing his agenda for a second term as pretend president.

Among his first acts will be to pass legislation that will designate funding for the rebuilding of battleground states. Florida, Ohio, Michigan and Pennsylvania were particularly hard hit by electoral warfare. Stung by overwhelming defeat, liberal insurgents continue to whine about the results. Liberal Massachusetts Senator John F'n Kerry has vowed to vote against rebuiling funds, even though he created much of the mess himself.

Yeadon is also expected to pretend to simplify the tax code and reform Social Security. There have also been rumored changes forthcoming in his Cabinet. Barak Fung, the charming articulate walk-on-water State senator from the souf, who is now Senator-elect from the Big Blue state of Illinois, will resign his pretend post as Vice iPresident. It is widely expected that former terror hostage Tom Donzelli, who hasn't been heard from since The Fine Young Cannibals were driven crazy, will assume the post.

Yeadon Concedes; Recount Cancelled

Ann Arbor, Michigan - Under the realization that 120,000 so-called "provisional ballots" would not put him over the top, iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon today phoned the White House and left a concession voice mail. In doing so, Yeadon will now serve a second term as pretend president of the United States. The Ohio recount, scheduled to begin late this evening, has been cancelled. A spokesperson for lawyers called today's events "extremely disappointing."

Recount Only Two Days Away

Yeadon Expects Voters to Send "Clear Message"

Ann Arbor, Michigan - iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon, campaigning one final time in this battleground showdown swing doofus state, told reporters today that he expects voters to send a clear message on Election Tuesday.

"People feel strongly about one candidate or the other," Yeadon explained. "The election will be very close. If I can muster a couple of votes here or there, surely I am going to pretend to be president for four more years." A reporter from ABC News agreed, then asked Yeadon to stop calling him Shirley.

Al-Manac exit polling of absentee voters found that only 17% will show up again on Election Day to cast so-called "provisional" ballots. These are ballots designed by trial lawyers to drum up business for weeks after the election is over.

Coverage of the recount will begin Wednesday and continue until Kerry concedes. Stay tuned to The Al-Manac for the latest coverage!