Yeadon Delivers Holiday Greetings

Ann Arbor, Michigan - Imaginary President Alan "Dubya" Yeadon delivered the following message to reporters this morning:

"Good morning. I'd like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and best wishes for a very happy 2006.

"It is natural at this time of the year to reflect on the past year. When I think back over 2005, I find myself being thankful to the many people who supported my agenda and made me the most successful imaginary president of all time.

"I want to begin by thanking the troops who sacrifice their very lives to defend America every day. Because of what you do, America is safer today than it was on September 11, 2001. I especially want to thank the MACG-48, MWCS-48, and MTACS-48 Marines (click for pictures). Dave Melka - if you happen to catch this message, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers every day.

"I would like to give a big 'thank-you' to members of the Democratic party for their keen leadership on the Global War on Terror. In June, Sen. Dick Durbin compared the U.S. treatment of suspected terrorists at Guantanamo Bay to conduct 'by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags' or other totalitarian regimes. On 'Face The Nation' last month, Sen. John Kerry said 'young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the -- of -- of -- of -- historical customs, religious customs, whether you like it or not.' And of course, U.S. Rep. John Murtha declared 'The United States cannot accomplish anything further in Iraq militarily. It is time to bring the troops home.' These three men exemplify the defeatist attitude of the left that will keep the Republican party in control of the White House and Congress for years to come.

"I would also like to thank Democrats for tackling the most important issues of our time. Whether its Social Security Reform, extension of the Patriot Act, ensuring our country is ready for a pandemic outbreak, or helping America become energy independent, your obstructive behavior has cleared the way toward making America a better country for years to come.

"I would like to thank the mainstream media for your support of my agenda this year. It is clear you have done your jobs with no regard to partisanship or, for that matter, the truth. In particular, I want to thank Dan Rather who coined 'fake but accurate' as the new standard in smearing a standing president.

"I want to thank everyone who calls me a Nazi or a racist, to those who blame me for everything from global warming to bird flu, and to Ray Nagin and Jesse Jackson for your cooperation in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

"Finally, I want to thank the Green Bay Packers, who have worked very hard this year to guarantee a top-five draft choice this year.

"May God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America."