Recount Only Two Days Away

Yeadon Expects Voters to Send "Clear Message"

Ann Arbor, Michigan - iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon, campaigning one final time in this battleground showdown swing doofus state, told reporters today that he expects voters to send a clear message on Election Tuesday.

"People feel strongly about one candidate or the other," Yeadon explained. "The election will be very close. If I can muster a couple of votes here or there, surely I am going to pretend to be president for four more years." A reporter from ABC News agreed, then asked Yeadon to stop calling him Shirley.

Al-Manac exit polling of absentee voters found that only 17% will show up again on Election Day to cast so-called "provisional" ballots. These are ballots designed by trial lawyers to drum up business for weeks after the election is over.

Coverage of the recount will begin Wednesday and continue until Kerry concedes. Stay tuned to The Al-Manac for the latest coverage!