News Organization Disrupts Election Fight

Detroit - The fight over whether Michigan is a "battleground" state or a "showdown" state was rudely disrupted today by FoxNews, which declared Michigan a "swing" state.

"A battleground implies a war is at hand," a FoxNews spokesperson said. "A showdown implies someone will be left for dead at the end. FoxNews, fair and balanced, will not tolerate this liberal culture of death."

John F'n Kerry, in another show of desparation, blamed President Bush for the kerfuffle. "This administration has failed in its obligation to come up with proper terminology for a close election. I have a plan, a plan to give Michigan a proper name, once and for all." Kerry, as usual, did not disclose any details about his so-called "plan."

Not impressed with the sudden emergence of a three-way race to decide what to call Michigan, Al-Manac editor T.G. Bretzky today declared Michigan a "state full of doofuses who probably just can't make up their minds."