Kerry Slams La Russa Over Missing Explosive Offense

St. Louis - Liberal Democratic hopeful John F'n Kerry Monday branded St. Louis Cardinal manager Tony La Russa as arrogant, blind, incompetent and guilty of "great blunders" after the disappearance of a highly explosive offense.

"The incredible incompetence of this manager and this ballclub has put the Cardinals at risk and our country at greater risk than we ought to be."

Kerry pounced on reports by the International Atomic Baseball Agency that the explosives that could be used in conventional or extra-inning games had disappeared, as proof La Russa had failed as Cardinal commander in chief.

"Tony La Russa, who talks tough, talks tough, and brags about making St. Louis a winner has once again failed to deliver," Kerry said.

"Now we know Cardinal victory is less safe because this manager failed to do the basics, this is one of the great blunders of baseball, one of the great blunders of this administration," Kerry rambled on. "The incredible incompetence of this manager and this administration has put the Cardinals at risk and our country at greater risk than we ought to be. The unbelievable blindness, stubbornness, arrogance of this team to do the basics has now allowed this manager to once again fail the test of being Commander in Chief."

The Cardinals trail the Boston Red Sox 3 games to 0 in the World Series.