Yeadon Names Mary Lou Retton to "Intelligence Czar" Post

Athens - iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon announced today that former Olympic star Mary Lou Retton will assume the new cabinet-level "Intelligence Czar" post, a position recommended recently by the 9/11 Commission. In making the appointment, Yeadon stressed Retton's unusual instincts in knowing when and where terrorists are going to strike.

In an interview with the Tribune in May, the 1984 gymnastics gold medalist said she would not attend the Athens Olympics because of security concerns. Retton had attended every Olympic Games since 1984 except for Sydney in 2000 because she gave birth to a daughter about that time.

"I think [terrorists] are going to hit again," she said.

Senate confirmation is expected next month.