Yeadon Joins Calls for National Lawn Care

Las Vegas, Nevada - Campaigning in another so-called "battleground" state, iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon called for renewed efforts to nationalize lawn care.

Yeadon was accompanied by members of National Lawn Care Now! (NLCN) when he declared his support for "equal lawns for all." He also criticized President Bush for linking national lawn care with the war on terrorism. Bush is quoted on the NLCN web page:

"In our fight against terrorists like Sod-dam Hussein and Osama Bin Lawnden, we can't afford to leave any blade unturned in our efforts to mow down those guys right off the turf of democracy. When it comes to finding terrorists, it's easy to think that the grass is greener on the other side of the world, but we have rich green opportunities right here at home. Now I ask, what good is it to just bomb people on the other side of the world, when we have terrorists in our own back yards - and front yards, too! We have plenty of bombing to do right here at home, but the question is, where?"

Campaigning nearby, Democratic nominee John F'n Kerry made one the the great oratory quotes in the history of the party: "The person I am running against in this race, the president, came here to Nevada, stood up in front of Nevada and made a promise to Nevada that this waste would not come to Yucca Mountain and to Nevada," Kerry said. "And within weeks and months, that was reversed."