Gore Declares Victory in War on Global Warming

Chicago, Illinois - Former Vice President Al Gore, who also pretends to be President of the United States, today declared victory in his War Against Global Warming, as record low temperatures continued to pummel the upper midwest today. "National Weather Service meteorologists say record lows have been recorded throughout the state this week, especially in northeastern Illinois," said a report on ABC 7 Chicago's web site. "Lows in the forties early this morning in central Illinois broke records, some stretching as far back as 1893."

A large banner behind him read "Mission Accomplished" as the other iPrez bundled himself in the brisk Chicago wind. Gore credits the low temperatures on his "sound environmental policies" such as phasing out the internal combustion engine and implementing a BTU tax.