Yeadon Prepares Forces for Invasion of Mutant Ant Colony

France, Germany urge restraint, UN resolution

Washington, DC - iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon remarked today that US Army Special Forces were preparing for a preemptive attack on a giant mutant ant colony recently located under the city of Melbourne, Australia. According to a story from AFP:

Monash University researcher Elissa Suhr said the supercolony of Argentine ants was threatening native biodiversity in Australia's second largest city.

"When they arrived in Australia, a change in their structure occurred, changing their behaviour so that they are not aggressive towards one another. This has resulted in the colonies becoming one supercolony."

"It is clear that there is now cooperation between the various ant cells, threatening the safety and security of Australia and and the world," Yeadon remarked. "I ask the leaders of the free world, in this global battle against mutant ants, either you are with us or you are against us."

John F'n Kerry, the Democratic nominee campaigning in the "battleground" state of Oregon, called for Yeadon to fight a more "sensitive war" against mutant ants.

French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin called on the United States to postpone an invasion until UN Terminix inspectors have had more time to come up with an estimate for the job. German officials have also called on the U.S. to restrain until a UN resolution can be passed to give the ants "one final chance" to comply with the 18 previous UN resolutions regarding the development of mutant ant colonies.