Yeadon Prepared for Tonight's Debate

St. Louis - iPresident Alan "Dubya" Yeadon prepared himself this week in this "battleground" state to watch tonight's debate between President George "W." Bush and liberal Massachusettes Senator John F'n Kerry. Yeadon, a skilled linguist, noted the following responses by Kerry during last Thursday's debate:

• "I'll never give a veto to any country over our security. But . . ."
• "I believe in being strong and resolute and determined. And I will hunt down and kill the terrorists, wherever they are. But . . ."
• "We have to be steadfast and resolved, and I am. And I will succeed for those troops, now that we're there. We have to succeed. We can't leave a failed Iraq. But . . ."
• "I believe that we have to win this. The president and I have always agreed on that. And from the beginning, I did vote to give the authority, because I thought Saddam Hussein was a threat, and I did accept that intelligence. But . . ."
• "I have nothing but respect for the British, Tony Blair, and for what they've been willing to do. But . . ."
• "What I want to do is change the dynamics on the ground. And you have to do that by beginning to not back off of the Fallujahs and other places, and send the wrong message to the terrorists. You have to close the borders. You've got to show you're serious in that regard. But . . ."
• "I couldn't agree more that the Iraqis want to be free and that they could be free. But . . ."
• "No president, through all of American history, has ever ceded, and nor would I, the right to pre-empt in any way necessary to protect the United States of America. But . . ."
• "I've never wavered in my life. I know exactly what we need to do in Iraq, and my position has been consistent: Saddam Hussein is a threat. He needed to be disarmed. We needed to go to the U.N. The president needed the authority to use force in order to be able to get him to do something, because he never did it without the threat of force. But . . ."

Yeadon noted the flip-flopping Senator speaks both sides of an issue at every given moment, giving all voters a sense of what they want to hear no matter what side of the argument they are on. Yeadon prepared for tonight by making up his own flip-flopping statements:

• "Sure, every guy wants a little tail now and then. But . . ."
• "Foreign beer has better taste and quality. But . . ."
• "Everybody strives to do well in school. But . . . "
• "Sometimes I just let it itch. But . . ."